Yesterday I fell into a manhole called I-haven’t-been-any-good-to-anyone.
I cleared out a closet, did six loads of laundry,
Practiced the piano a little, did dishes, folded clothes,
And depression settled over the home God has given me.
Woe is me, I thought, my husband is out touching people’s’ lives
And here I am, doing laundry.
Yes, Wednesday night activities take all I have.
The next day I always have to recover to recharge emotional batteries.
So why did I fall into this state today?
I lamented I didn’t do one thing to further my ‘career’.
The experts say writers must do at least ONE thing Every Day
Put paper to pen no matter what… or not you are not a real writer.
Many say you have to share God’s news with at least one person
Or you haven’t fulfilled God’s call on your life.
And I haven’t even been out of the house today.
Ah, yes, now I know why I fell into this manhole of useless depression.
I listened to the right voice at the wrong time.
Yesterday was a day of preparation
Lest when we went out to serve, our soiled clothes
Would detract people from our efforts of ministry.
And this morning, as I prepared my Sunday School Lesson,
I was overcome with the blessed feeling of freedom.
Knowing I had nothing else to do today
But prepare for the Sabbath.
Okay. Sometimes it works itself out quickly.
And I see God clearing the fog of uncertainty,
But sometimes the oppressive ‘What good am I to anyone?’
Question lingers in a long time of preparation.
Your time of waiting will be different than mine.
Paperwork is what many pastoral ministers get hung up in.
Or the administrative work of an outreach program,
Or going to work everyday to provide a living,
But someone has to do the laundry, wash dishes,
Keep financial records, provide money for kids to have school clothes,
Take the kids to activities, clean the church, do the administrative work,
Do the behind the scenes work, and Create a comfortable home for our families.
But sometimes I need to be reminded
God doesn’t call us all to be on the front lines all the time.
I have to ask for the ability to enjoy the growing times of preparation.
For without them I lack something when God calls me to the front lines.