exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no roo t of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it– Amplified Bible
As I consider the bitter root passage,
I find myself in argument with my inner being
Who insists she has the right to be bitter.
After all, they did treat me badly
And seemingly don’t ever consider my needs
When decisions are made.
When important things happen,
I’m left out of the loop.
I’m constantly the one left out.
And I take out my hurts
And examine them,
Reliving them, each time a new hurt arrives in my life.
See, I didn’t make it up.
My arrival here at Bitter Root was not my decision.
I did not do this to myself.
And I have to agree with that emotional self.
Things like this happen all the time.
In most people’s lives there is a foundation for the bitter root.
I’m justified, my emotional self insists.
Don’t tell me I imagined it.
Don’t lecture me.
So, let’s face reality, I have reason,
But what do I let that do it me?
What do I do now?
Do I let it linger in the background?
To come back when elements are right
And wreak havoc in my life?
Allowing each happening to let it grow
Until, finally, I think about it apart from an event
And it snakes its way into my whole life.
Or can I face it
Give it to God
And give permission for God to begin digging?
That won’t keep events that contribute to the bitterness
From cropping up again,
But am I going to let it control who I am and how I react?
God, I know this will not be easy
Not quick, and will take discipline
To give those feelings to you every time they arise.
It’s going to be uncomfortable.
Change doesn’t come easy,
But I’m tired of the view of life they demand.
I want a different reaction
To the things that happen to me.
To see things from a less self-centered view.
And God, only you can change me.
Dig that root up,
And cut the root of bitterness.